I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm like, not good at living.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
