My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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