If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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