Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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