well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
organizing the empties. That sober.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
