No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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