Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
