OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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