real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
