i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
