Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
