She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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