I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
