Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
mondays should just be called national damage control day
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.