I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Randomize
