Texts From Last Night

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  (845): View more from New York

  i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen

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  (845): i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen http://tfl.nu/31v4
  Replies (20) Good night (2432) Bad night (701)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.

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  (610): Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays. http://tfl.nu/bu0x
  Replies (9) Good night (3691) Bad night (1286)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.

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  (301): Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow. http://tfl.nu/rpb6
  Replies (37) Good night (2914) Bad night (4282)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup

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  (508): i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup http://tfl.nu/58kh
  Replies (11) Good night (1130) Bad night (4474)
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  (805): View more from California

  Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.

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  (805): Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy. http://tfl.nu/cdtm
  Replies (23) Good night (5436) Bad night (1164)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"

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  (860): at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!" http://tfl.nu/hob5
  Replies (12) Good night (5625) Bad night (1235)
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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.

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  (952): Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you. http://tfl.nu/1zuw
  Replies (13) Good night (1368) Bad night (4054)
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  he tried to breastfeed my turtle

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  (864): he tried to breastfeed my turtle http://tfl.nu/mp5f
  Replies (16) Good night (1694) Bad night (2804)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.

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  (512): I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings. http://tfl.nu/0ge6
  Replies (10) Good night (2536) Bad night (1749)
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.

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  (307): I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA. http://tfl.nu/w3eq
  Replies (5) Good night (1708) Bad night (570)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?

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  (817): Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys? http://tfl.nu/z6j2
  Replies (11) Good night (2103) Bad night (717)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.

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  (713): We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning. http://tfl.nu/f21r
  Replies (2) Good night (2241) Bad night (623)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far

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  (785): He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far http://tfl.nu/hear
  Replies (8) Good night (795) Bad night (1289)
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  (607): View more from New York

  WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"

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  (607): WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!" http://tfl.nu/33ys
  Replies (5) Good night (401) Bad night (682)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.

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  (616): Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered. http://tfl.nu/qqf0
  Replies (1) Good night (600) Bad night (230)

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