Texts From Last Night

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  (773): View more from Illinois

  He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.

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  (773): He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed. http://tfl.nu/ua73
  Replies (5) Good night (839) Bad night (1923)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.

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  (205): This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone. http://tfl.nu/jtsj
  Replies (28) Good night (564) Bad night (4948)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up

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  (617): you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up http://tfl.nu/71wz
  Replies (14) Good night (4887) Bad night (802)
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  (361): View more from Texas

  is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?

  (702): View more from Nevada

  not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning

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  (361): is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time? (702): not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning http://tfl.nu/nxoz
  Replies (23) Good night (2668) Bad night (4348)
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  (574): View more from Indiana

  my professor just said "the power of the situation"

  (216): View more from Ohio

  drink

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  (574): my professor just said "the power of the situation" (216): drink http://tfl.nu/g82n
  Replies (17) Good night (5227) Bad night (800)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.

  (334): View more from Alabama

  i do.

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  (256): from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot. (334): i do. http://tfl.nu/nohm
  Replies (14) Good night (5477) Bad night (1130)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.

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  (817): Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment. http://tfl.nu/9yfj
  Replies (4) Good night (973) Bad night (2338)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big

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  (970): I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big http://tfl.nu/le84
  Replies (12) Good night (1932) Bad night (2831)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.

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  (817): I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool. http://tfl.nu/j2os
  Replies (7) Good night (380) Bad night (1150)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today

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  (412): You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today http://tfl.nu/so0a
  Replies (5) Good night (804) Bad night (455)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs

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  (704): Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs http://tfl.nu/e56e
  Replies (2) Good night (807) Bad night (283)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman

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  (484): 'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman http://tfl.nu/trz5
  Replies (2) Good night (772) Bad night (290)
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  (527): View more from

  I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.

  (1-527): View more from

  Top night. Top night.

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  (527): I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered. (1-527): Top night. Top night. http://tfl.nu/68t6
  Replies (1) Good night (400) Bad night (530)
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!

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  (573): Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica! http://tfl.nu/ntrd
  Replies (1) Good night (1017) Bad night (273)
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?

  (1-585): View more from New York

  Or possibly end in a restraining order?

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  (585): Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy? (1-585): Or possibly end in a restraining order? http://tfl.nu/8n7h
  Replies (8) Good night (590) Bad night (230)

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