just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
