Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Randomize
