It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
