So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
