peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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