My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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