Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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