Screwed.edu
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
tequila makes me forget i have legs
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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