you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
