Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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