my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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