I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
