i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
