3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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