The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
