i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Randomize
