It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize
