the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
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