She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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