I think I am morally bankrupt
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
