if i can run in heels then i can drive
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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