did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
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