in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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