we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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