he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
