i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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