you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
