he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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