did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
