addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Randomize
