I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Randomize
