tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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