so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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