According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
