Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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