I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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