too bad you live with your parents still
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
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