i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
