So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Randomize
