I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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