new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
