yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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