remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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