i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
