O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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