Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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