I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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