Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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