an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Randomize
