you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
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My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
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I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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