The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
