last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
