Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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