I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I just found puke in my bra..
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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